He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
