i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
