Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
