I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
