So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
