Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
