Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
