i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
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