Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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