I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize