yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
