It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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