I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
