Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So vagazzling was a success
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize