Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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