The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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