Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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