He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
