If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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