I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
