hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she peed on how many people?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
