You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
