apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
