the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize