I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize