sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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