I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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