I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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