so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
