and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
