# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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