Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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