but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
