New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
