I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
