So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Still dying that you shit outside
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
