tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize