omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
my god I love twenty year old dicks
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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