i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
