pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
