she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
