I cockslap morals
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize