i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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