In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
