Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
