I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
