I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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