There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
