So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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