Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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