Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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