so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
