I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
