my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
