And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
