Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
