I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
sex in a hospital.. check
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
