my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
