i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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