Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
