She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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