Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
