STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
