Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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