My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I did not marry a roomba.
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