took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
