Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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