Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize