Yo dont text me then not text me
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
