i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
